How to comfort those who are hurting.

Christine DiGiacomo
3 hours ago
5 min read

podcast: https://www.pastorwoman.net/podcast/episode/2ffaedeb/how-to-comfort-those-who-are-hurting

Over the years, I have been 'the first phone call' in numerous difficult situations and heartaches. Deadly car accidents of teens on the way to the prom, the anguished call of a freshman in my Fellowship of Christian Athletes whose mother took her life ... and on it goes. Tomorrow, I will flank someone in court as he confronts the gang member who brutally murdered his son. These are heartaches beyond description.

If you stopped and thought right now, you too know people who are in the battle of a lifetime. But here is the question of the day:

-->>>>what can you do for someone who is in crisis?

--<<<<Is there a way that you can bring comfort and hope?

First, here are a couple things to bear in mind:

1) If the situation involves tragic loss, realize there is nothing you can say to fix the situation, like bring back their loved one. It is better to remain silent than say something like 'God will use this for his good' - that may be true at some point, but must not be uttered when the person is gutted. 'I'm so sorry for your loss' is appropriate.

2) Express your love by showing up if at all possible. Be present. Paul tells us to mourn with those who mourn.1 I remember like it was yesterday when one of my friends' sons took his life; all I knew was 'get to them'. When I arrived at their home, of course there was nothing but gut-wrenching shocking grief. When the father of the young man lay down on the floor, I just laid next to him, holding hands with the wife, and we cried. I think of Job's friends who went and sat with him in silence for seven days!2

Shocked. Heartbroken. A family’s life forever changed. How to make sense of the tragedy … oh, how to cope! Everyone reacts differently, to be sure. This couple did not blame God, though some do. One Christian may run to God with the pain, and another gets angry with God and shuns Him. For this precious couple, at some point that day, I asked if I could pray, and I cried out to God for his supernatural peace in the midst of devastating heartache.

And for the irreligious, what then? There is casting about for some kind of peace, but there is no peace apart from God. Then the grab for some kind of numbing agent … alcohol, weed, Xanax, whatever. But is there any hope to be found? Yes. Because sometimes when people are the most broken, they reach out to God - and find him with open arms to receive them.

Our reaction to the pain of others depends on two relationships—relationship to the one who is devastated, and maybe more importantly, the relationship we have with God. We do well to think about this right now before we are in the position to want to comfort another. This fits into the airplane safety instructions given on every single commercial flight, 'put on your own facemask first, then help your child.'

Let's you and I shore up our relationship with God so that we have something we can offer to comfort others because there is nothing better than the peace of Jesus Christ.

Ask yourself: Who is God to me? And further, what is my default setting? That is, when life falls apart, where, what or to whom do I turn?

I turn to God because this is what I hold as true about Him: God is good. His heart is good and right. He is not the author of pain or the cause behind a sudden death. There are things in life I do not understand—like why a young person would take his life, why good people get cancer and evil people seem to flourish, why the innocent and children suffer. But who God is still does not change. God loves me, and I love him—circumstances do not change either fact. Where is God now, in the midst of your unimaginable grief? God is grieving with you. I recall what the psalmist expressed, finding his words so meaningful.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.”3

God is present in our pain. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”4 [also the psalmist] Here’s the thing—as always, you and I have a choice; we can blame God or we can run to him. He has promised he will never leave us or forsake us.5

Tap your helmet, Christian, and run to God! For “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

God has not caused your pain, your loss or your suffering, but he is on hand, waiting to enfold you with his love.

So get alone, get quiet—just you and God. Take him at his word, that he is present, closer even than a brother, and pray to him. Give him your pain. Ask him for the comfort of his Holy Spirit and an awareness of his presence.

He will not disappoint.

There cannot be any greater pain than that of a parent, whose child’s life has been suddenly cut off … God understands that. He has been there.

And now he wants to comfort you with the love of the Father.

So Just be Held, the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5KYrnv00yM

But perhaps the circumstance is less dire, but your loved one is still in crisis. What can you do? Again, if possible, show up. Ask if there is anything you can do--meals, rides for the children, etc. And then you might offer from your heart to theirs: "I have discovered that in my darkest, toughest times, prayer to God has lightened my heartache and given me peace. Would it be okay if I prayed a short prayer for you?" Very unlikely you will be told 'no'.

You might pray something like the following/ amending it as appropriate:

Dear Father,

I lift up (Mary) to you. You know how lost she feels right now, but I pray she will reach for You and find comfort in you as I have in difficult times, and even on a day-to-day basis in my life.

God, I pray that you will give (James) your wisdom and guidance, and that he will look for you and find you--that he will want to know you more. In that process, would you give him peace such as he's never known, peace that is found only in You.

Thank you God for loving (Matthew), and I pray that he will feel that now.

In your name, Amen.

My prayer for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj_0pvIGkks&list=RDhj_0pvIGkks&start_radio=1

Christine